A Love I Could Not Deny

I was so introverted in high school that I didn't have a single friend. No one to talk to, and no purpose to live. If I did kill myself, I thought, who'd even care? Whose life would be affected if I took mine? With my dad at work so much and my mom away from home for months at a time, I knew it could be days before they even noticed I was gone. And that scared me.

Our family had just moved, and as a junior in high school my whole life seemed uprooted and unsettled. There I was, the new kid in school and so shy that I couldn't talk to anyone. I couldn't even raise my hand in class. I was hiding deep inside myself: afraid and alone.

I never really knew the love and security of a family life. Even though from all practical aspects we had the characteristics of a family - we lived in the same house, had the same parents - our house, not a home, was like a hotel of individuals, each going his own way. We didn't talk or eat together, and I felt in the way.

I was told I was ugly and grew up believing it was true. I felt that I had to apologize for my existence every time someone looked at me. One day when our class was getting pictures taken for the yearbook, I broke down and cried when the photographer asked me to smile.
"What do I have to smile about?" I thought.

To compensate for my social failures, I filled my life with academics and the pursuit of knowledge. Still, there was that gnawing emptiness within me that no accomplishment or success could satisfy. My life was falling apart at the seams, and I could no longer hold the pieces together.

I was not aware, at the time that my loving Father in heaven was using the difficult circumstances of my life to prepare my heart to reach out to Him, to receive of His love.
In a family of nine, I often felt lost in the crowd. One Christmas every one received gifts but me. It was just an oversight, of course; my mother had to buy presents for so many. But no words could ease the pain I felt inside when the presents were all opened and none were for me. Forgotten!

One of the more cruel members of my high school class enjoyed making fun of my timidity by drawing attention to me with comments like, "What's the matter, can't you talk?" "Do you have a voice?" Then he'd Iaugh when he had made me cry.

When the day came that a squad car pulled up and took my mom away in a straitjacket, with five men trying to hold her down, I finally felt that I could take no more. Although my mom had often been removed from our home for "an extended rest," this time I thought, if this is all life has to offer, forget it!

One night, unable to sleep because of the turmoil within me, I wished I would just die and never wake up. I decided that I would either find out what life was all about or call it quits. In my desperation I complained to the God of my youth, whose Iaws I'd been taught but whose heart I'd never known. I told him my troubles and somehow sensed that he understood.
It felt so good to tell someone how I was feeling! In all my years of church going, I'd never really talked to God Iike this. My concept of God was extremely distorted. I pictured Him as some distant, impersonal Being, way up there someplace, too busy running the universe to be concerned about little me. And, although I had heard Him referred to as the "Saviour of the World," still I didn't know He had died for me!

I poured out my heart to him. "No one loves me," I cried.

"Remember," He said, "that I love you." "But how can I know that?" I pleaded.
Then he reminded me of the cross. The picture of perfect love. Now my tears were filled with hope. His was a Iove I could not deny.

The next day a girl in school told me how real God was to her and how she found comfort and guidance by reading the Bible. She invited me to go to church with her, and when I heard the minister's message of God's personal involvement in people's lives, I wept uncontrollably. Never had I heard such words of life and hope.

Several young people came and put their arms around me telling me that they loved me, and that God loved me, too.

They also invited me to a youth retreat that weekend. Early one morning, sitting on a rock by a quiet lake in Georgia, as the sun arose to light this new day, I gave my life to Jesus Christ.
Over the next several days I poured over the Scriptures. "For they are life unto those that find them, and health to all their flesh." (Proverbs 4:22). I knew there was much healing that needed to take place in my heart; and from any emotional scars that remained from my childhood. But I found great comfort in the Word of God and prayer, and encouragement among the people of God.

And as I read, God's plan for my life became clearer to me. I read that "all have sinned" and "there is none righteous, no, not one" (Romans 3:23,10). But I also read, "For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast." (Ephesians 2:8-9).

When I returned to school the next fall the same boy who had always mocked me because of my shyness approached me in the cafeteria. He noticed that I'd changed and demanded: "What happened to you over the summer? You're so different!" he said.

I told him about God's love for me and about his mercy, how I had found purpose and meaning for my life. And this same boy who had so enjoyed making me cry was now nearly in tears himself as he told me about his own family problems.

It wasn't easy for me, however. Even though I was only 16, my dad kicked me out of the house when he found out about my newfound faith. But I discovered in the family of God a love and acceptance I never knew as a child.

It's been 17 years since I gave my life to Jesus Christ. No longer am I overcome with feelings of being forgotten and alone. God has given me a new security and stability. "Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee." (Isaiah 49:15). I have a friend in Jesus Christ, someone I can always talk to and with whom I can be myself.

Knowing that God loves and accepts me as I am has also given me new confidence and self-acceptance. He valued my life so much (a life I was ready to throw away) that He sent His Son to die in my place. The inferiority I felt so strongly as a child is now gone, replaced by a sense of self-worth.

"Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new." (2 Corinthians 5:17)

-Diane Dew

Aviation Humor

That's not flying, that's just falling with style.

— Woody, from the 1996 movie 'Toy Story,' regarding Buzz Lightyear.

John Wooden:

Failure to prepare is preparing to fail.

Beautiful Snow

In the early part of the Civil War, one dark Saturday morning in the dead of winter, a young woman, twenty-two years old, died at the Commercial Hospital, Cincinnati. She had once been beautiful and the pride of respectable parents. Highly educated and accomplished, she might have shone in the best society. But she was stubborn and willful and would not listen to warning. She played with fire and called it "fun." One day she awoke to find herself ruined by a fatal mistake, which she could not erase. She was fallen.

She spent the rest of her young life in disgrace and shame, and died poor and friendless, a broken-hearted outcast. Among her personal effects was found, in manuscript, the poem, "Beautiful Snow," which was immediately carried to Enos B. Reed, editor of the National Union. In the columns of that paper, on the morning following the girl's death, the poem appeared in print for the first time. When the paper containing the poem came out on Sunday morning, the body of the victim had not yet received burial. The attention of Thomas Buchanan, one of the first American poets, was soon directed to the newly published lines, and was so taken with their stirring pathos, that he immediately followed the corpse to its final resting place.

Such are the plain facts concerning her whose "Beautiful Snow" will be long regarded as one of the brightest gems in American literature.

Oh! the snow, the beautiful snow,
Filling the sky and earth below,
Over the housetops, over the street,
Over the heads of the people you meet.

Dancing, Flirting, Skimming along,
Beautiful snow, it can do no wrong.
Clinging to lips in frolicsome freak,
Trying to kiss a fair lady's cheek,

Beautiful snow from heaven above,
Pure as an angel, gentle as love.
Oh! the snow, the beautiful snow,
How the flakes gather and laugh as they go,

Whirling about in maddening fun,
Cheering the heart and dispelling the gloom.
Chasing, Laughing, Hurrying by,
It lightens the face and sparkles the eye.

And the dogs with a bark and a bound,
Snap at the crystals as they eddy around;
The town is alive and its heart in a glow,
To welcome the coming of beautiful snow!

How wild the crowd goes swaying along,
Hailing each other with humor and song,
How gay the sleighs, like meteors flash by,
Bright for a moment, then lost to the eye;

Ringing, Swinging, Dashing they go,
Over the crest of the beautiful snow,
Snow so pure when it falls from the sky,
As to make one regret to see it lie,

To be trampled and tracked by thousands of feet,
'Till it blends with the horrible filth on the street.
Once I was pure as the snow, but I fell,
Fell like the snowflakes from heaven to hell;

Fell to be trampled as filth on the street,
Fell to be scoffed at, to be spit on and beat,
Pleading, Cursing, Dreading to die,
Selling my soul to whoever would buy,

Dealing in shame for a morsel of bread,
Hating the living and fearing the dead.
Merciful God! have I fallen so low?
And yet I was once like the beautiful snow.

Once I was fair as the beautiful snow,
With an eye like a crystal, a heart like its glow,
Once I was loved for my innocent grace,
Flattered and sought for the charms of my face.

Father, Mother, Sisters, All,
God and myself I have lost by my fall.
The vilest wretch that goes shivering by,
Will make a wide sweep lest I wander too nigh;

For all that is on or above me, I know,
There is nothing so pure as the beautiful snow.
How strange it should be that this beautiful snow,
Should fall on a sinner with nowhere to go!

How strange it should be when the night comes again;
If the snow and ice struck my desperate brain,
Fainting, Freezing, Dying alone,
Too wicked for prayer, too weak for a moan

To be heard in the streets of the crazy town;
Gone mad in the joy of snow coming down;
To be and to die in my terrible woe,
With a bed and a shroud of the beautiful snow.

Helpless and foul as the trampled snow,
Sinner, despair not, Christ stoopeth low,
To rescue the soul that is lost in sin,
And raise it to life and enjoyment again.

Groaning, Bleeding, Dying for thee,
The Crucified hung on the cursed tree,
His accents of mercy fall soft on thine ear,
"Is there mercy for me?
Will He heed my weak prayer?

O God! In the stream that for sinners did flow,
Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.

"Come now, and let us reason together, saith the LORD:though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow;though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool."(Isaiah 1:18)
God's plan of salvation

TOO BAD THEY NEGLECTED JOE

A few days back I chanced to read a statement that ought to make all of us weep. It went like this: "Drop a coin on a sidewalk and almost every eye will follow it, but drop a needy child in a community and very few will pay any attention."

Here is a story to support the above statement. The story is true, tragically true. A little guy named Joe had polio that left him crippled. No one paid any attention to him until one day someone took him to Sunday School. But his teacher neglected him, and the other children made fun of him. Some avoided him because he was crippled. Because of this, little Joe became soured on the church and later bitter. He at last came to hate the church and the Lord Jesus Christ. He hated all Christians, too. But he was determined to succeed and continued in school, finally earning his doctorate from Heidelberg University. One day a man with a Charlie Chaplin mustache and delusions of grandeur put his arm around the shoulder of little Joe and said, "Joseph, I think a lot of you. You and I could do much together." The young fellow responded warmly to this welcome attention and encouragement. In time Joseph Goebbels became the propaganda minister for Germany under Adolph Hitler!

I wonder what might have happened if that Sunday School teacher had shown love to little Joe and led him to saving faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. You know, almost any child can be won to the Lord, if we get to him in time and love him. If this had happened, Joseph Goebbels might have become a minister of the Nazarene instead of the Nazis!

What about the "Little Joes" in our community? In our city? Let's get them in our Sunday School and love them to Jesus Christ!

~~~W. L. Castlen

A Quote by John Wesley

"Be active. Give no place to indolence or sloth.Give no occasion for anyone to say, 'You are idle.'" (I don't want you to get the wrong idea. I don't care much for John Wesley but this is a good quote)

Aviation Quote

In soloing — as in other activities — it is far easier to start something than it is to finish it.
— Amelia Earhart, '20 Hours: 40 minutes,' 1928.

Selflessness, Sacrifice, Duty and Honor

World War II produced many heroes. One such man was Lieutenant Commander Butch O'Hare. He was a fighter pilot assigned to the aircraft carrier, the USS Lexington, in the South Pacific.
One day his entire squadron was sent on a mission. After he was airborne, he looked at his fuel gauge and realized that someone had forgotten to top off his fuel tank. He would not have enough fuel to complete his mission and get back to his ship. His flight leader told him to return to the carrier. Reluctantly he dropped out of formation and headed back to the fleet.
As he was returning to the mother ship, he saw something that turned his blood cold. A squadron of Japanese bombers was speeding their way toward the American fleet. The American fighters were gone on a sortie and the fleet was all but defenseless. He couldn't reach his squadron and bring them back in time to save the fleet. Nor, could he warn the fleet of the approaching danger.
There was only one thing to do. He must somehow divert them from the fleet, Laying aside all thoughts of personal safety, he dove into the formation of Japanese planes. Wing-mounted 50 caliber's blazed as he charged in, attacking one surprised enemy plane and then another.
Butch weaved in and out of the now broken formation and fired at as many planes as possible until finally all his ammunition was spent.
Undaunted, he continued the assault. He dove at the planes, trying to at least clip off a wing or tail, in hopes of damaging as many enemy planes as possible and rendering them unfit to fly. He was desperate to do anything he could to keep them from reaching the American ships. Finally, the exasperated Japanese squadron took off in another direction.
Deeply relieved, Butch O' Hare and his tattered fighter limped back to the carrier. Upon arrival he reported in and related the event surrounding his return. The film from the camera mounted on his plane told the tale. It showed the extent of Butch's daring attempt to protect his fleet. He had destroyed five enemy bombers. That was on February 20, 1942, and for that action he became the Navy's first Ace of WWII and the first Naval Aviator to win the Congressional Medal of Honor.
A year later he was killed in aerial combat at the age of 29. His hometown would not allow the memory of that heroic action die. And today, O'Hare Airport in Chicago is named in tribute to the courage of this great man.
So the next time you're in O'Hare visit his memorial with his statue and Medal of Honor. It is located between terminal 1 and 2.

______________________________


Some years earlier there was a man in Chicago called Easy Eddie. At that time, Al Capone virtually owned the city. Capone wasn't famous for anything heroic. His exploits were anything but praiseworthy. He was, however, notorious for enmeshing the city of Chicago in everything from bootlegged booze and prostitution to murder.
"Easy Eddie" was Capone's lawyer and for a good reason. He was very good! In fact, his skill at legal maneuvering kept Big Al out of jail for a long time. To show his appreciation, Capone paid him very well. Not only was the money big; Eddie got special dividends. For instance, he and his family occupied a fenced-in mansion with live-in help and all of the conveniences of the day. The estate was so large that it filled an entire Chicago city block. Yes, Eddie lived the high life of the Chicago mob and gave little consideration to the atrocity that went on around him. Eddy did have one soft spot, however. He had a son that he loved dearly. Eddy saw to it that his young son had the best of everything; clothes, cars, and a good education. Nothing was withheld. Price was no object. And, despite his involvement with organized crime, Eddie even tried to teach him right from wrong. Yes, Eddie tried to teach his son to rise above his own sordid life. He wanted him to be a better man than he was. Yet, with all his wealth and influence, there were two things that Eddie couldn't give his son. Two things that Eddie sacrificed to the Capone mob that he could not pass on to his beloved son: a good name and a good example.
One day, Easy Eddie reached a difficult decision. Offering his son a good name was far more important than all the riches he could lavish on him. He had to rectify all the wrong that he had done. He would go to the authorities and tell the truth about Scar-face Al Capone. He would try to clean up his tarnished name and offer his son some semblance of integrity. To do this, he must testify against the Mob, and he knew that the cost would be great. But, more than anything, he wanted to be an example to his son. He wanted to do his best to make restoration, and hopefully have a good name to leave his son.
So he testified. Within the year, Easy Eddie's life ended in a blaze of gunfire on a lonely Chicago street. He had given his son the greatest gift he had to offer, at the greatest price he would ever pay.
What do these two stories have to do with one another? Well, you see, Butch O'Hare was Easy Eddie's son.

Quote by Peter S. Ruckman

"The most important thing in your Christian life is fellowship with God."

CHARACTER IS
WHO YOU ARE
WHEN NO ONE ELSE
IS LOOKING...

Andrew's Last Night on Earth

It was evening. The house-doctor accompanying the surgeon had paid an unusually late visit to the male ward of the hospital; and the surgeon was now preparing to leave when he met the nurse at the door. "It is a pity, nurse!" he said, "but that fine young fellow at the top of the ward will he dead by morning. It's a pity, but we've done our very best."

Startled out of her usual calm she answered, "Oh! Is that possible, doctor? But you told him he was doing fine! And he is quite expecting to live."

"Well, he has put up a grand fight for life, and there is no use in depressing him. He will probably he unconscious in a few hours and never know he is dying." With these words the great surgeon went down the corridor.

The nurse stood for a moment hesitating: then she said to the house-doctor, "Will you not tell him, doctor? His friends are all far away, and he may have something to settle, or some message to send. It is hard that he should not know. Do tell him."

"No, no, I shall not tell him. It is easier for him not to know," said the doctor. Then he added, "You can tell him if you like, nurse."

"Then I must," she said; but within herself she thought, "How can I? Will he believe me in face of the doctor's cheering words? Is it of any use after all to upset him?"

Still her first thought returned, "He may have something to settle, some message to send." She finished her evening duties then with slow steps made her way to the ward, pondering how she was to impart her dread tidings.

The night nurse was already at her post, and the lights turned down in the ward, when she took her seat by the side of the one whom she knew was dying.

"This is kind of you to come and pay me another visit, nurse," he said, "The doctor said I am doing fine. Does he think it will be long before I can be moved? You will write to my mother, won't you, and make the best of it to her?"

She was silent a moment, then she said gently, "I'm afraid the doctor made you think what is not true, Andrew. You are very hurt. There is more danger than any of us thought at first."
It was Andrew's turn to be silent; then, as a look of dismay came into his eyes, he said, "You do not mean I am going to die?"

Her grave look and the tear that rolled down her cheek answered him.

Again there was a pause. He had been a strong man, had faced death over and over again on the battlefield, but this was different. It was night in a hospital ward, all was quiet, with nothing to distract or take off the solemnity of knowing he had God and Eternity to face. Presently, with quivering lips, he spoke only three words: "How long, nurse?"

She dared not hide from him the stern truth; and then came a low despairing cry, "But I can't die, nurse, can't die! I am not ready to die." The momentous question engaged his mind, and he asked, "What must I do to be saved?"

She had said to the doctor, "He might have something to settle," but she had thought of earthly things, things of time. He had indeed something to settle, but it meant for ETERNITY. And all she answered was, "I don't know; I am not saved."

Then with pleading voice, he said, "Won't you pray for me? Do pray." But the sad answer came, "I can't; I don't know how."

What a moment for both of these souls! Both lost; both just finding it out. In the case of one the last grains of sand in life's hourglass were fast running out, with the question unsettled, "What must I do to be saved?"

The nurse was scarcely less agitated than the dying man. Then a Spirit-given thought surely came to her, as she said, "If it will be any comfort to you, I will sit up and read the Bible to you."
Andrew caught at the suggestion, as a drowning man might catch at a rope thrown out to him.

"Do! Do!" he eagerly said.

She turned up the light above his bed enough to enable her to read, and took a Bible that was lying near. She hardly knew where to begin, but the Bible fell open at the Gospel of John, and in a low clear voice she read of one who came to Jesus by night. She read of that man's need and of God's love. She read slowly, distinctly; and he listened eagerly, trying to grasp something to answer the absorbing anxiety of his soul.

Pausing a moment, she continued to read of the woman who had her thirst quenched and her heart satisfied. Still there was no word from the suffering man, and his eyes besought her to go on. Finally she came to John 5:24: "Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that heareth my word, and believeth on him that sent me, hath everlasting life, and shall not come into condemnation; but is passed from death unto life." She looked up as she finished reading this, and saw a change in his face, the haggard look of agony was disappearing, and he said. "Stop there, nurse. Light is coming in. I see; I see. Leave me alone, but come back soon. Thank you. Oh thank you!"
Alone with God he remained for half an hour. When she returned his face was radiant: "I have heard His word," he said, "I believe the Lord Jesus Christ bore my sins when He was lifted up, and He has received me; all guilty as I was. It is not death for me now, nurse; it is everlasting life; He has forgiven me."

After a minute's rest he spoke again: "Nurse, will you meet me in heaven? You can never say again you do not know the way."

"It isn't clear to me. I can't grasp it as you have," she answered.
"He knew I had no time left. So He let the light in quickly," the dying man said, but He will make it clear to you. Tell my mother Christ saved me the eleventh hour. Peace! Peace!"
These were his last conscious words. The gray look deepened on his face, and very soon, as the surgeon had said, he had a slight convulsion, and then sank into profound unconsciousness only to awaken with the Good Shepherd who had sought and found His lost sheep.
"And what of the nurse" do you ask?
The enemy plied her with doubts and difficulties of all kinds. She wondered how Andrew had gotten assurance, and could meet death so calmly, without a doubt that his sins were forgiven while she was tossed with doubts and fears. She did not recognize that he had looked to the Lord Jesus Christ and got a sight of His dying upon the cross for his sins; and that had changed everything for him in a moment; but she was looking at herself, and found nothing there but sin and misery.

In this slate, four years rolled away, four dreary years; a ray of hope coming in sometimes, but quickly followed by darkness and despair. Then she became acquainted with a visitor to the hospital, to whom she opened her heart. This friend invited her to meet a servant of God, and to hear him preach, one that was much used in showing the way of peace to troubled souls.
The preaching was good, but it did not meet her case. They had some conversation, but nothing seemed to touch her. Finally the preacher turned to John 5:24: "Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that heareth my word, and believeth on him that sent me, hath everlasting life, and shall not come into condemnation; but is passed from death unto life."
Suddenly the light broke in. Like Andrew, she too said, "I see!" and peace entered her soul. The same words that had met the dying man four year before, now claimed every doubt and fear in her heart, and she could thank God that for her also all was settled.

"For I delivered unto you first of all that which I also received, how that Christ died for our sins according to the scriptures;"(1 Corinthians 15:3)

"Whoso walketh uprightly shall be saved: but he that is perverse in his ways shall fall at once."(Proverbs 28:18)

"For he saith, I have heard thee in a time accepted, and in the day of salvation have I succoured thee: behold, now is the accepted time; behold, now is the day of salvation."(2 Corinthians 6:2)

"How shall we escape, if we neglect so great salvation; which at the first began to be spoken by the Lord, and was confirmed unto us by them that heard him;"(Hebrews 2:3)

Reader is it settled with you?
John 5:24 is also a message for you as it was for Andrew and the nurse.

-Unknown Author

Quote of the Day

"There is nothing so costly as ignorance." (Horace Mann)

Testimony of a Victim

I was hit from behind by a guy going 120 m.p.h. It knocked me into the backseat and nearly ripped my head off. But that wasn't even the worst of it.
I sat there, numb and afraid. I couldn't feel my arms or legs. And my mind raced with horrible thoughts of being paralyzed for life.
Then I saw him.
His car was just a few feet away from mine, and I knew that he was the one who hit me. I couldn't move my head. It felt like it was torn off my shoulders.
I had to strain my eyes to get a closer look at him. He scrambled around inside his car, pushed open his door and crawled out. That's when he spoke. And the words stung me like nothing else ever could.
He said, "Boy, I need another beer."
The guy didn't even know he hit me. He didn't know that I'd never be able to play ball with my kids again. He didn't care. He was drunk.

Glenn Anspach
Van-Wert, Ohio

J. Hudson Taylor said....

Written to his wife during one difficult time
in the work of the China Inland Mission,"We
have twenty-five cents - and all the promises
of God!"

All Day

Sunday morning my dad and I left at prolly close to eight to go to Enid for the day. We arrived at the church at about close to 9:30 a.m.. It was great b/c nobody knew I was coming, exept for Nancy, so I surprised everyone. Momma Walker was the most surprised, I think. We had soooooo much fun yesterday. Daddy Walker did the Sunday School lesson and then Bro. Swope preached. Pray for bro. Swope's mom. I think they said something about her heart and I think she might of had a heart attack. She is in the hospital. Afterwards, we went to CiCi's to eat some grrrrreat pizza. Everyone thought I was weird b/c I wanted to eat my pizza with ketchup. But, it tastes really good. After that we went to the Walkers house. It kinda got boring sitting there listening to everyone talk, so we went on a walk(Hannah, Nancy, and me). And at about 5 we left for church. Bro. Swope preached the night service, also. After that we went to eat at Freddy's. It was fun, except for the fact that the boys thought they had to spit (coke) wads. But, Justice was so cute. He kept asking if I would go home with them and stay. And then he told my dad that I was going home with him. And my dad said, "You want my daughter to stay with you?!". It was funny. Then, we had to go home and I really didn't want to. I hope we move up there.